Friday, December 20, 2013

Cell Phone Bucket

Note: After getting several comments/e-mails regarding this post, please remember that this is not about mine and Nate's family. It is just something we saw that would make for interesting discussion. Thanks!

In this world of Pinterest and wayyyyy too much available information on the internet- I have heard so much about things I should take/do at the hospital...and honestly not a whole lot about what actually happens at the hospital. I mean, I know I leave with a baby (hopefully), but I'm kind of learning that stuff as we go (though we haven't even toured our hospital yet, and we aren't taking any kind of class...whoops).

Here is one that I can't get out of my mind that I can really see both sides of the argument for. But, I want to see what other people think.

The Cell Phone Bucket

"For all of us paranoid moms that are worried people are going to tell the world before we get a chance to, put out a bucket that everyone has to put their cell phones/cameras in when they come to the hospital." 

This supposedly ensures that the only pictures of the baby in the hospital are on your camera and therefore you are the only person that can IG/Facebook/Tweet anything with the baby's face on it.

I can see this being kind of genius since we did have a friend post a thing on Facebook about how they knew the gender of Wookie (before we'd even had a chance to talk to Nate's mom- we had to put that fire out FAST) so it's nice to know that even if people say on facebook "Wookie Wagner, Born blah blah blah weighing blah blah blah..." at least you get to choose what picture goes along with it or, if you are one of those people that do not want your kids pictures on the internet at all you have control over that as well.

I can also see this backfiring horribly. What if something happens to your camera and you get home to discover you have ZERO pictures of your baby in the hospital. These are the things that keep me up at night.

I feel like this also goes into the whole "do I tell anyone that I'm going to the hospital or wait until we get home?" discussion.

I know a few people that didn't tell anyone when they were in the hospital and in fact a lot of people didn't know they had the baby for over a week. I kind of secretly love this because you really get time to establish your family dynamic and enjoy your new little clan. However, I can also see Wookie's grandmothers killing me.

With today's "look at me" mentality, I have a hard time saying that privacy is needed when there is obviously that selfish layer of "uhh, if anyone is going to announce that I had my baby, it needs to be me" when really anyone that puts things on the internet are just trying to inform people of your happy news. Does it matter if it comes from you or someone else?

I'm interested to hear what people have to say about this. Do mom's get to say who announces, does it matter if it gets announced, are you too exhausted to care who announces it anyway?



  1. Here's two cents from a woman who doesn't (can't) have children - for what it's worth.

    It's no one's business but yours. Go to the hospital and have your baby, and tell your parents you are on the way. Having eight million people involved, making a massive production about it, only gets people's panties in a bunch over who says what, who gets to go where, who gets to see baby when....blah blah blah. You hardly need that stress.

    Instead --- have baby, and then when you know you are going home, tell friends that they can see baby on an date YOU CHOOSE, and have a baby meeting day. YOU control the situation, not the people around you.

    That way - you and your husband can enjoy being just your own little family for a sweet while, before the entire world comes rushing in and wants a bit of you.

    But that's just me. :-)

  2. The whole people being at the hospital thing or not telling was a huge thing for me.

    With our first kid, we told everyone we were in the hospital and they came in the morning (we had been there all night laboring). Everyone got there around 8 or 9 but baby wasn't born until 11am, which means I was in hard labor with various family members knocking on the door... "Just wondering how she's doing." "I'M FINE NOW GTFO, MOM." We told them they were upsetting us and they all stayed. We made them wait another 3 hours after we gave birth for them to come and see us because we just wanted some time alone and they were stressing us out.

    Second time around, we made it clear that we would let everyone know we were headed to the hospital but to not come until we called. I forget who it was (I was so angry that I must have blocked it) but someone showed up early. I was pissed and made them wait. lol. A lot of family members were upset that we didn't want them there waiting, but we basically told them to deal with it. I know it sounds really harsh, but we just wanted time to ourselves without them knocking every half hour like last time!

  3. I really am of the belief that whatever happens needs to be the with the permission of the parents and on their timelines-- if it was me, I would tell parents and siblings I was at the hospital and they could take pictures for themselves but not post them until my husband or I posted an announcement/called the right people first. I think a child can be for the world to enjoy, but the first moments/day/week are particularly precious and delicate

  4. I am 30w 4d with my first. Our families are 6 and 12 hours away.  I am going to call my mom and sister so they may make it down in time.  Having a ton of people just show up at the hospital is not a possibility.  I am putting together a phone tree that can be activated after the birth . I can call one or two people then have them work their way through the list with the particulars.

    We have decided that we will post a single photo of our new little family on our Facebooks. Neither of us particularly like being photographed.  So once we get our shit together.....and don't look like death warmed over its picture time. If anyone wants to see more they can schedule a visit to see us in person or wait until we are up to traveling.

    I think it will also be important to clearly define what will and will not be happening when we do have visitors at home.  I will not be entertaining anyone, if my new tiny human is not enough fun for you I hope you have candy crush on your phone.  I will not be cleaning up after you.  You can hold the baby all you like if you've had a pertussis shot. If you are uncomfortable with me breastfeeding I invite you to leave the room. I will not be cooking for or feeding you. The degree of my enthusiasm for your future visits is directly proportional to how helpful you are. If you've done laundry, provided meals, tidied, or are some kind of mystical baby whisperer WELCOME BACK! I know it all sounds harsh but I anticipate being a mega hormonal crying, oozing, bleeding, hungry, leaky, sore freaking mess. I am going to need help not more burdens.

  5. uhh, I think I had Abe on facebook within an hour after he was born. Certainly before anyone else made it to the hospital to take any pictures. So I wasn't worried. Of course I was in labor with him for like 3 seconds, so there wasn't really time for anyone to sit around wondering when he'd be born or anything. And my other kids were born in pre facebook days, I think. At least my pre facebook days. Maybe even pre Friendster ;)

  6. I think it depends on your family. We happen to live super far away from our families, but my parents were in town for the birth of my daughter in April 2012. We knew we didn't want an audience, and they never tried to impose. We didn't announce going to the hospital (no time, baby's coming!) and just phoned the next day when we were ready for a visit. I'm in the Yukon and actually there's no wifi at our hospital (true fact!). No one wanted to step on our toes and everyone wanted to be respectful and so we never had issues of privacy etc. If people come visit you, let them in if you want to see them, or tell the nurses no visitors until you're ready.
    We also had a big suitcase of birth aides for massage, concentration etc and all I wanted/needed was the cup with a straw for sipping water between contractions. If you're going to be hanging out a lot with induction and epidural you may welcome the distraction of visitors coming to hang out! See what happens, play it by ear and then enlist the nurses as you go. It'll be lovely. And if you're skipping classes, I really recommend looking up The Birth Partner for concentration tips and visualization. As much as it's a physical thing, it's a mental thing too and have some concepts to play around with can be helpful. Just remember, your loved one want to love you right, just give them instructions and I hope they will respect that!

  7. I didn't have to worry too much about this as my family is technologically hopeless and my hospital doesn't have wifi (go Yukon!) but I found that everyone was tripping over themselves to be respectful, and all I had to do was state my preferences. We worked it out with family that we'd call when we could to say the baby was there and then arrange a time to visit. She was born at 3 AM and we called at 7:30 and they came by a few hours later. If it had been a difficult birth I would have said I needed rest and arranged an afternoon visit or the next day, or see you whn I get home. Enlist the nurses, play it by ear. If you suspect your family won't respect your wishes, you are well within your rights to protect your new family as priority one, and release info as you are ready to do so.

    I will say that I didn't suffer baby blues, so experiences will vary, but I was thrilled to have people pop by and almost no one did without an invite. Expectations of me were minimal and I was just sitting around being totally spoiled (and recovering, for sure!). My husband was obsessed with helping and I remember feeling like I was possibly indulging a bit more than necessary! Not that is stopped me one bit. This second time around I will be surious to see if he is the same way! Now that he knows just how tough I am, haha!

  8. I was only concerned about labor and delivery. Person number 1 is the baby, number 2 was me. I did NOT want anyone but my husband there through that, so we told no one we were going. He nearly had to commit homicide for me when some idiot nurse said that it wasn't as painful as I thought it was!
    After the arrival of the baby was safe and successful, he made the first phone calls. It was long before Facebook and the Web!
    I want to add something really important. I just read Captain Underpants'comment about the baby blues and I hope you will take this small piece of advice without alarm: please ask your husband and ObGyn to watch yiu for signs of post partum depression after the wookie arrives. My sis in law, to this day, will not even discuss the possibility, when it was very clear to everyone around her what was going on at the time. Her eldest daughter has attachment issues and is a very difficult child. I am not a big fan of her blog but Dooce wrote a book about her PPD called It Sucked and I Cried. Her older daughter has many of the same personality traits as my neice! Like I said, please don't panic, but ask your doc at your first post partum visit, or maybe he has some literature you can see. I am so excited for you! I remember that first one so many years ago, and it's magical, except for the lack of sleep!

  9. Is your inner circle really that difficult to talk to that you can't just ask them to not take any pics or post to social media? If you can't lay it out there for them then they shouldn't be there. Honestly, if they don't respect your wishes then they shouldn't be there at all.
    I had all of my family including my in-laws there for both of my daughters' births and am currently pregnant again and plan to do the same this time. Everyone was very respectful and attentive. It was really nice to feel all the love and support during a very vulnerable time.

    1. Oh, this isn't a reflection on our family and friends, this is just something we saw/heard about and thought it would make for interesting discussion!

  10. The only person who knew we were going to the hospital to maybe have the baby was my dad (because we lived with him at the time), however, all of our parents knew I was in labor. We called my mom once we found out I was 10cm dialated, and she called her bff (who is a nurse in that wing of the hospital) and they both came to be there. My mom thankfully doesn't have a facebook, so after he was born, I was able to share a picture when they were cleaning him up.
    The next day (he was born late at night so we couldn't have visitors, but my parents and husbands parents did show for a quick visit), we had really close family (his siblings, my brother & grandparents) show up to meet our little guy, because I was VERY vocal about not wanting any visitors at the hospital after, other than close family, for bonding and so I could recuperate. It's your child, and you're the one having it, so you should ultimately choose what happens and how it does. All the best. ♥

  11. Your post reminded me that after I had my second, I was alone at the hospital the first night. Hubby was at home with our other child and with the second baby - nobody was breaking down the door to visit me. She was sleeping and I had my phone so I emailed a lady who had asked about something I was selling on Craigslist. I explained that I had had a baby that morning but would be home in a couple of days if she wanted to swing by and pick it up then. She wrote me back and was like, "Wait a had a BABY today and you're emailing me about Craigslist??" I realized how strange that must have seemed, but with a second baby it was easier to go right back to life relatively quickly! Remembering that gives me a chuckle!


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