Thursday, January 2, 2014

Life Goals (A Look Inside my Panicing Pregnant Mind)

I tend to think that New Year’s Resolutions are a load of shit. Most of the time people use way too many broad and sweeping statements, like “I’m going to work out this year!” and then come the end of the year, they are like, “I totally went to the gym like three times. SUCCESS.”

I also tend to hate reading blogs between Thanksgiving and the second week of January since it goes from holiday decorating, to gift ideas, to blog round ups, to goals.

That being said, I feel like goals are needed. I asked Nate last night if he had any goals for 2014 that he wanted my help with, and he responded with, “Let’s just focus on not killing the baby”

But, when I looked at how overwhelming this year is going to be, I thought, “Emma. Girl, you seriously need to make some statements about your life now.”

So, here I am making some statements about my life. With plans attached. No broad sweeping statements- because I don’t want to sweep anything under the rug this year. This year is for serial. I know these are kind of self absorbed…but I’m trying to tell myself now that it is okay to have these plans for myself because I know that I could just as easily turn into sweat pant mom who amazingly sacrifices everything for her kid and honestly, I’m not ready for that.

1.       Lose 15lbs by March 1.

Yes, I know this is a bullshit goal, but by delivering Wookie I will slowly begin getting my lady groove back- I have not really felt like myself the entire time I’ve been pregnant. I’m still not the heaviest I’ve ever been, but after losing 30lbs last year before getting pregnant to see all the hard work grow outward- even in the efforts of growing a human, has been hard for me to wrap my head around. It will be very nice to say, Hey, I am down 15lbs! Even if it’s just baby and water weight. Note that I’m giving her 11 extra days just to make sure this is achievable.

2.       Nail down a “mom style”

Before getting pregnant, I rocked leopard skinny jeans, lace tops and big chunky jewelry. I am aware that this is not entirely possible while breastfeeding (hopefully). I’m also aware that most new mom’s wardrobe consists of drool stained shirts and stretched out collars. I’m trying to be realistic about my expectations, but one problem I’ve been having with pregnancy is that I am too cheap to buy lots of maternity clothes (good thing too because I have stained every piece I’ve bought the first time I have worn it) so I have told myself that I have to put some effort in my appearance by my birthday in April. I’m only going to be 24- I am not ready to look like a “mom” so I need to find a look that I am comfortable in, is affordable and easy to nurse/go to work in etc.

3.       Continue my regularly scheduled hair care.

I have worked really hard on my hair. I still don’t know how to style it like some amazing girls (my mom was never into it- blow dry it straight or throw it in a ponytail). Before my PCOS treatments I was diagnosed with a vitamin D deficiency that was so bad that chunks of my hair were falling out when brushing it. I’ve since been seeing my stylist every 6 weeks for the last 4 years trying to take care of my hair and I am here promising myself that I am going to continue with that. I know that it would be easier and better to put that $30 a haircut towards something else, but if I’m sitting there watching my hair fall out again I feel like my mental state will fall out with it.

4.       Go camping as a family at least once a month from June-August.

Campsites in Michigan go up for reservation on January 1, so last night Nate and I were already looking into campsites- we are aware with the baby that it’s smart to stay close to home because no one wants to be in a tent with a newborn during a thunderstorm, but we are saying now that at least one overnight a month during the summer needs to happen. Nate and I both use camping as a way to get out stress out, read a good book and enjoy the summer months- I don’t want us to get caught up in the busyness of the first year of parenthood to make us completely miss summer.

5.       Once the weather turns, go to the dog park at least twice a week (weather permitting)

Walks are going to be hard this year. 3 dogs, one baby, two adults- that means our hands are too full for long walks, but we have terriers! Those scruffybutts deserve to be as tired as they need to be. This means that at least twice a week (once the lake is thawed- I don’t want anyone falling through the ice) that Wook needs to go in the Ergo and the dogs need a few hours at the dog park to get nice and exhausted. Plus, at $12 a year for membership, it is the cheapest form of entertainment for the whole family (not to mention that our dog park equates out to a several mile hike every time we go which is healthy for everyone)

6.       Do not accept financing/loans on any purchase this year (god willing)

Now, I’m saying this on January 2 saying that God willing, no major disasters happen to our family that would require a groveling trip to the bank. But in 2013, between the roof, the car and a couple bridge loans we got into a LOT of monthly payments. In fact, those stupid monthly payments are the reason that I can’t be a stay at home mom. I’m not making a grand gesture saying here that we are going to miraculously pay off tens of thousands in debt this year because every loan we took out last year was needed and I’m going to have probably a 7k labor and delivery bill coming our way this year. Put that with the fact that I’ll be out of work without pay for maternity leave and we are in for a tight year. My only goal that makes me cry with hope is that we don’t have to take out any more debt. I can say that luckily Nate and I have zero consumer debt- we have no credit cards, no store financing, etc. so at least our rates are locked and we don’t have interest accruing that is rearing its head at us.

7.       Work on a savings account

We got into a better practice with this towards the end of the year scrambling to get some money put away for my maternity leave but I know we are going to blow through it with bills as soon as I leave work. I want us to build a better practice of this and have a nice cushion to land on so we can start tackling all those loans. It doesn’t do me any good to put all that money to those loans and then someone needs surgery or something (knock on wood) and then I have to take out another loan because we don’t have savings. Plus, Nate is going to need a new car (for some reason the car I got when I was 16 just isn’t running like it did when it rolled off the lot in 1997…) I will not put a dollar amount on this because I really do not know how detrimental my maternity leave is going to be to us, but I would like to have at least all of our deductibles for our insurance policies put up somewhere. Yeah, that is how much we suck right now… Let’s also put this under that goal I had where we “act more like grown ups” in general.

8.       Get regular oil changes in the new car

Because, again, I want to be a better grown up and not fuck up the car I just took out a loan for.

9.       Continue on my PCOS treatment path.

It took us 18 months from getting diagnosed to peeing on the stick to find out Wookie was on the way, so I have zero intention of shutting down the factory now that we know how to fix it. I am saying this now, so don’t ask me later in the year- this does not mean we are planning Irish Twins. In fact there will be quite a gap between Wookie and the next kid while Nate finishes school (we just can’t afford two in daycare- we have to be in a position where I can stay home before baby #2 gets here) but when I was on my PCOS treatment I was able to finally lose weight, my moods were more stable and, perk, I wasn’t rocking a PCOS beard from lack of hormones. I want to continue on with my treatment so I can keep my body regular and enjoyable so when we do get in a place where baby 2 can come into the picture that it doesn’t take another 18 months to get everything working again.

10.   Nurture my relationship with my amazing husband.

This is a little broader and sweeping since there are so many things I need to do for him. I have never loved him more than I do right now- he is going to be an amazing father and honestly will rock at having an infant more than me. He is hard wired for this path. I however need to step up my game since he has been so incredibly gracious to me through this pregnancy. He has been doing the work of both of us since I am in so much pain and am so tired by the time I get home from work. He has voluntarily even taken on things like laundry because he doesn’t want me losing my balance down the terrifying basement stairs. I need to spend 2014 telling him how much I appreciated the help. I plan to do this by having food in the house (grocery shopping- what a concept), dinner cooked before he has to go to school (which will also help with our budgeting problems), the house generally tidied (baby crap is forgivable, tumbleweeds aren’t), and having time for just the two of us. We have been very strict to our Friday night date nights during this pregnancy (or else I’d be asleep by 6) and while I know we won’t be able to afford a babysitter every week, even if I just force myself to stay awake and watch a movie with him one night it needs to happen. I also need to learn to accept help and allow people who ask to watch the baby to let them and take the time to be with Nate. This being said- I also need to allow Nate to have dates with the baby. Him and her need alone time just as much as him and I do- and that I’m sure, I’ll be happy to give him.

This may have been one of my more personal and sincere posts I’ve ever done on this blog, and it has given you a serious look into what is going on in our house lately- but I felt like it needed to be said. Wook will be here in about 6 weeks landing at exactly the time my seasonal blues kick in. I’ll either have the happiest winter ever, or with the season and baby blues I’ll be such a hot damn mess a list may be the only thing to pull me out of it.

I have blog and jewelry goals as well (jewelry…like make some) but hopefully I haven’t dug a hole for myself that we can’t climb out of trying to achieve these.

If you have a goal post- please feel free to leave it in the comments! I would love to see if anyone else feels like they’re captaining a sinking ship lately.

Also, I promise we’ll get to the sledgehammer chaos in the playroom once my nerves calm down enough to see what Nate did to it… *sigh*


  1. I think you have a fine set of goals.....and when you are raising a baby, that takes an incredible amount of energy and time and money. I think you are totally realistic, ......and the baby won't be needing a 'playroom' until she's at least 10 month you've got time. :)

  2. I think that's an excellent set of goals- doable and realistic :) HUZZAH!

  3. When I was pregnant with my first daughter I was extremely tired and worn out. As I got to the end of that pregnancy I was starting to totally freak out because I had forgotten what it was like to have energy. I was scared because how could I possibly take care of baby when I was so damn tired all the time. Word to the wise, at least for me, it went away as soon as she was born. I was able to function on 3 or 4 hours sleep, so much easier than being pregnant.

  4. PCOS mum to 5 here, just a warning if you don't already know, your hair will fall out a fair bit after the birth. It's a hormonal thing abd totally. You might know this already but wanted to make sure you didn't get any surprises!

    1. I had heard that! Stupid hormones- I'm hoping with regular appointments that we can keep my hair looking good at least...I don't know why it matters so much to me when I don't even style it, but it does!

  5. Just to chime in, camping with a baby is EASY (barring colic), especially if you plan/are able to breastfeed. Keep them snuggly and they sleep wherever just fine. Plus all the sounds and wind in the trees etc are really enjoyable for a kid who can't move yet. I took my daughter out at 4 months on my own (my husband was working and I didn't want to be stuck at home) and it was awesome and snuggly in the tent together.

    Also, regarding budgeting and food: I don't know what level you're at right now, or how important 'outside' food is to feeling like you're living well, but there are amazing websites that tell you how to prep big freezer bags of recipes for the crock pot. Pull one out, clunk that frozen block of orange chicken into the pot and then you don't have to default to take out later when figuring out what to make. Meal planning: it's what's for dinner. I also resolved to cook with beans twice a week to cut down on food costs dueing mat leave. Black bean burgers, baked beans and toast and coconut lentil dhal are all favourite cheap choices.

    Love your goals. High five!


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